Pain or Suffering?

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
~From What I Talk About When I Talk About Running
By: Haruki Murakami

November 18, 2009...

I just finished reading the book What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, a memoir by award-winning novelist and runner, Haruki Murakami. I found the above quote about suffering and pain in the early pages of his book and I’ve been pondering over the quote ever since. Even as a runner, when I read this, I thought, “Geez! Who wants to suffer?” If I actually thought of running as pain and suffering, I would have quit yesterday, or the day before.

Of course I see running as a physical challenge and of course I have experienced some pain along the way. A sprained ankle, sore muscles, joint aches…nothing I can’t handle and nothing I haven’t taken steps to educate myself on how I can prevent them. I’ve even learned the hard way NOT to eat a sausage biscuit the morning of a long run and how to hold my breath when passing road kill in July and August. And since I have asthma, sometimes I have difficulty breathing when running. But overall, my breathing has improved since I became a runner, and I’m sure my blood pressure and resting heart rate have too. So, it might be better if I stick with my old saying, which doesn’t involve pain or suffering. It’s this: “There may be a day when I can’t do this anymore. Today is not that day.” I found that saying in Runner’s World several years ago, and it has been a favorite mantra ever since.

Yet, I can see why some runners might value this quote about inevitable pain and optional suffering, especially distance runners. After all, nothing in life comes free—or totally devoid of pain and suffering at some point—anything worth having, be it a job, a house, an education, a good marriage, requires hard work. And I’ve never trained for and finished a race without hard work.

As I set out on a run I asked myself which part of the run was the “suffering” part. And then I began to understand. I’d have to say it was the ½ mile hill at the 60% incline near my house. Even after 3 years of climbing this hill, it takes mental and physical endurance to reach the top. Slowly and steadily I climb, thinking about each step, placing one foot in front of the other and telling myself to keep breathing. Each time I climb this hill, a fleeting thought of walking enters my mind. And then as I continue coming closer to the top, the thought dissipates and I’m glad I kept on running. The hill is hardest near the top- when I’m worn out from the climb and I can almost see the top, but I still have a choice to continue or stop.

December 12, 2009

And now, three weeks later, I’m still thinking about that quote, even though I haven’t gone for a run in two weeks. I have an inflamed tendon in my foot and the doctor’s orders were to slow down and let it heal. When I asked how “slow” I needed to go, his reply was, “If it hurts, don’t do it. Cut back on your distance and don’t run on consecutive days.” So now I really get it…the pain in my foot has made it all too real. This aggravated tendon is the result of extremely flat feet and it has made walking and running two painful tasks. My thinking about the situation has been as follows: I have to walk, but I love to run. Right now I can’t do either without pain. So in order to do what I have to do (walk) and eventually be able to do what I love (run), then I must do something I really don’t like (slow down…rest…take days, maybe weeks off from running). Well, not running equals suffering to me…

December 15, 2009

Today I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I set out for a short run. I decided I wouldn’t push myself too hard and I allowed myself to walk when necessary. I just couldn’t take it anymore; I needed to feel sunshine and wind on my face and sweat on my brow. I tried to run at least 4 minutes at a time and walk for 2 minutes or less. It took me and Sophie, my dog, 40 minutes to finish 3.3 miles, but today’s pain will make tomorrow’s run somewhat easier…at least I hope so. Or maybe that's when the real suffering will begin.

It’s amazing how much your muscles can forget and the strength and endurance they can lose in two to three weeks. My mileage per week has decreased significantly since I ran the ½ marathon in October, but here lately, that mileage has come to a screeching halt. In his book, Murakami says our muscles are like animals, that they would rather not work hard, and that they forget the memory of the hard work of training when we fail to push them (p. 71). I think he’s right. But it doesn’t matter what I think on this one; science has proven that when we don’t use it, we lose it.

So the pain felt today was an all-over-the-body pain, and I know I’ll feel it tomorrow. My chest hurt as I struggled to breath. My body hasn’t gotten adjusted to the change in the weather and this time of year someone is always burning leaves in my neighborhood. (The remnants of a really bad sinus infection and chest congestion didn’t help my breathing either.) My foot actually felt okay…thanks to time off and new $300 orthotics for my shoes. But my legs screamed at me in anger because they were not only out of practice, but they were carrying about 10 extra pounds I’ve gained in the last 2 months. I’m the kind of person who can eat whatever I want as long as I exercise. But when I put the brakes on physical activity and forgo the brake on eating, I swell up quicker than Violet from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

All that aside—I would rather suffer like this during a run than not run at all. I needed to feel the sunshine today and so did my dog Sophie. I looked down at her while we were running and I could see that she was happy to be restored to her faithful duty of keeping me company on the road. I’m sure you’ve heard it said that running helps to clear a person’s mind. Well, I can tell you it really does. Why would I want all that junk in my head that could cleared and sorted through during a run? To me, that’s optional suffering, and I opt not to do it. Whew. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to get back out there today. I’ve really missed it.