Friday, July 1, 2011

The Real "Face" of Facebook

We are so presumptuous that we think we can separate our personal interest from that of humanity, and slander mankind without compromising ourselves” ~Marquis de Vauvenargues

For every bit of goodness we want to see and feel, there is an equal amount of anger and disdain in the world. Sometimes we put ourselves in situations that are just plain stupid and we reap the consequences of our thoughtless actions. But what about the times when the source of pain and anguish shows up at our doorstep, pounding on the door? Unwanted, unwelcome, and most importantly, uninvited, yet unwilling to leave.

There will always be people in the world who want to see others fail, and it’s hard when you know you are the subject of their taunting and wishful demise. I will never understand the hurtful and malicious ways of human nature. It’s been said that some people bring gladness wherever they go, and others, only when they leave. There are those people in all walks of life such as our occupations, churches, and yes, even our families who breed an air of negativity around them. They have a way of snuffing out joy, bringing gloom and just plain old hurtful negativity. My pastor once referred to these sorts of people as “prickly people” because of their ability to “get under the skin” and attempt to destroy anything good and decent. We all must develop some sort of sense that allows us to let the negativity roll off, to brush off our sleeves, to keep on keeping on. But I also know that there is an instinct that lies in each of us to protect what is closest and most dear to us.

I try to avoid those “prickly people” and the negative situations that they bring with them. But there are times in our lives when we are confronted, at the least expected moment, and we have to make quick decisions about how to react. Those situations that are closest to the heart breed the quickest responses. Sometimes, that response is anger, and I will admit that actions and words spoken in anger never result in a positive outcome. But this is life. We take the good with the bad, we know it can’t all be good, but we still have a choice in how to respond. I believe it is in these emotional moments when we use the least amount of rational thinking, because instinct quickly takes over.

In my personal experience, I have been repeatedly hurt at various times in my life by people who were supposed to protect and love me. So much it seems that hurt is no longer the first emotion I feel when these situations arise. Anger is the emotion which manifests itself in these situations as a defense mechanism for my own heart. Past hurt does not excuse present anger, nor does anger lessen the hurt that is inevitably felt and sometimes complicated to a more extreme level once the anger subsides. One is simply a substitute for the other because it is easier to be angry than to admit hurting. I write this because each person experiences anger. Every person, no matter how virtuous and positive, no matter how much Christianity they practice or preach, experiences anger. We are human, people. And that makes us the same on at least one level. It’s what we do with that anger that separates us from others.

I have strong feelings within myself about the subjects where there are no “grey” areas. There is strictly right and wrong. Invading the peace and privacy of people’s lives, using children as exploits, and treating someone who is family with a downgrading air of superiority is a combination of wrongs that add up to a combustible situation.

Children playing in a sandbox may argue over a toy, each feeling the validity of his personal right to play with it. But when a child works hard to build a sandcastle, and the bully, seeing the vulnerability and opportunity for destruction, crushes the sandcastle with one mighty stomp of the foot, the child who worked hard to build it cries because the heart is broken. After one too many stomped sandcastles, the child learns to react in a different way. The focus is no longer on the toy, but on the effort and care put into building the castle, because each castle is a representation of the child himself. Eventually the bully must be faced head on. Sometimes, children just can’t play in the same sandbox. The world is a giant sandbox, and the same is true for adults.

Facebook is the tool in today’s society that connects the sandboxes of the world. We don’t have to answer the door; we simply have to log on to allow hurt and negativity into our homes. The company we keep in person should be no different than the company we keep on Facebook, but this is often not the case. We are quick to add friends, and equally quick to post hurtful and critical comments that are judgmental of others. We don’t have to type a person’s name for this to occur. We are just as quick to delete friends and bear our souls via profile and inbox. Digital judgments occur because our fingers move faster than our minds and hearts. Comments are often posted as a result of anger mode. Slander is written and read because there are no direct repercussions. In fact, Facebook takes the very aspect of real communication out of the picture: face to face encounters. In my opinion, Facebook is the most widely abused tool that causes heartache, pain, and encourages a strange animosity and acceptance for the way people feed off of one another’s misery.

I will admit that I too have been guilty of all of the above, unintentionally at first, but more recently when I felt personally attacked on Facebook. American author Jonathan Swift said, “A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying that he is wiser today than yesterday.” I was wrong by allowing myself to become angered and feel pain by personal attacks from people who wish to hurt me and my closest family. Yet I am all the wiser now because of the experience, so in turn, I must say “thank you” to those who have helped open my eyes to the cruelness of the virtual world of Facebook. Not everyone is your friend, even if they are somehow kin to you. Not everything that occurs in one’s head should be posted to the world. I am beginning to think that really, it is the coward’s way out to post on a person’s profile the words which cannot be backed with guts to say to one’s face, or over the telephone even, when the voice can actually be heard. The reality is that the post to Facebook contains the most malice and achieves maximum results of injury because it is there for all to read what only few people need to know. The even stronger reality is that most of it could be avoided if people thought not only about the words coming out of the mouth, but the words being produced by the fingers and the consequences attached. Clicking the little X box and deleting a comment does not take it back. Once posted it remains forever; even if not on the screen but in the heart and head.

I first saw Facebook as a way to connect with old high school friends, then as a way to keep up and in touch with what’s going on. I was able to share photos and communicate with out of town family. It was also a way to spread the word about positive events and happenings in the community. I saw a way to provide a wider audience for my writing, and if you’re reading this via computer, chances are you clicked on the link to my blog from Facebook.

But every time I log on, I also see the bullies of the sandbox. It’s sad that most of the people I’ve had to remove from my friend list have been family, and it started two years ago, not last week. I guess that’s why the geniuses of the program included apps like delete and block. If you’re reading this in print and don’t know what I mean by words like “app, block, delete, or blog” then count yourselves among the lucky, because you have not been engulfed in the age of social networking sites that is rapidly contributing to the destruction of our society. I agree to some extent with Andy Rooney, veteran CBS News correspondent who said, “Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.” Purposefully hurting and criticizing other people are things that don’t need to be done. From now on, if I can’t type something nice, then I plan not to type at all (even if someone else is not so nice). And in the same respect, if you don’t like what I type as a post or write on my blog, save us both some hassle and delete me. I am busy with many positive things that occupy my time and chances are, I will never even know I’m gone. Bullies, stay out of my sandbox.